I learned the meantime romance!

The dating life! It seems so exciting in theory.  Meeting up for a designer martini at trendy bars and laughing about life, work, the future, the world, the hopes of everlasting love and cosmic alignment.  And sometimes you feel like you are really clicking, at least for a few moments, and you think Wow, maybe this guy will be "the one". 

Of course, more often than not, the evening ends up a disappointment.  Sure you didn't like him, but you become plagued with doubt - Should I have kissed him or not? Will he call me or not? - nearly forgetting the most important question of all:  Did you like him or not?

Perhaps, it was only a first date.  Perhaps things seemed to be going okey, before you caught him eyeing another woman at the bar or talking about his last girlfriend in romantic or vitriolic terms.  Or maybe he began lecturing you about his very important job, speaking to you without a trace of irony about his ambitions to take over corporate America one Power Point slide at a time.  And ultimately when you return home alone again, you come to the sorry conclusion that he's not the one after all.

That is until he calls you a few days later and asks you out again, and you think, "Wow, maybe he liked me.  Well, I guess he wasn't so bad really.  Hey, you never know."

Sounds familiar? Welcome to the World of Meantime Romance!

As I am reading Ian Kerners book, I thought to myself, "so this is it! I am not just chasing a stupid dream, I am also hooked up with the Meantime romance!

So, I quit my daily job!

Margaret Young

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards.
They try to have more of what they want so they 
 will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You first must be who you are, then love what you do,
in order to have what you want.”
~ Margaret Young

So, I quit my daily job and I had no concrete plans of what I have to do next.  For years I have always been dreaming of freedom - as if I know what this one word really means! During one of my travels I've witness how simple life can be for some people.  They sit by the porch of their house waiting for the sun to get to its peak and their stomach complaining it is time for another meal, food arrived fresh from the sea, all you have to do was boil water, put the fish and some spices, salt and onions to taste and with that one of the basic need of the family was met.  At sundown, it was pretty much the same.  At night when the sun is gone and the stars are out, one could witness the beauty of the sky when you can actually see that there are stars outshining each other without the bright posts competing in your eyes.  I thought to myself, what have I missed all these years? I for one feels naked when I don't have my mobile phone or an internet connection and here I am wishing a life I never knew existed.

Me Shopping

In the chase of social status and material comforts I traded off my normal lifestyle to a one with longer hours and working over the weekends.  For years I have been absent during special family gatherings and every holidays there is written in the calendar.  To them I was not existent. I lived in a suitcase all the years, trying to define permanence in a constant moving career. Traveling constantly for job and leisure and posting my photos on facebook to indicate and tell the world that I chose a better lifestyle.

My tent on a deserted island!

But I realized that my job, although it paid me well, was not making me happy.   Everyday, I sit in my office trying to find meanings of my unhappiness. My job was not taking me the way that I wanted to go.  It was taking me in the opposite direction, toward a life of worries and obligation rather than one of freedom and fulfillment. So, I quit my daily job! Right now, I realized that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you are doing something you love to do.  Now I am planning and preparing myself to do what I love to do, traveling! At least before I reach 40, I would have done round the world trip! :)

What are we afraid of?

Are you afraid of you? 

Autophobia is an abnormal and persistent fear of being alone.  Autophobics often worry about being ignored and unloved.  These days, we're probably all a little autophobic.  How often do we define ourselves in terms of others?  we're popular, we're respected, we're well liked, we're leaders, we're team players.  We become dependent on others for a definition of ourselves.

Many of us have never spent any significant period of time alone.  We go from our families to college to roommates and into relationships.  We've become good at dealing with others but often at the expense of learning how to deal with ourselves.  And in today's interconnected, technology-driven landscape (e-mail, text messaging, and cell phones), we can easily avoid that sort of internal dialogue and introspection that forces self-reflection and realization.

Like getting a pet, dating becomes another form of insulating ourselves from being alone.  When we date in the meantime, it's often because we're afraid of dealing with ourselves; we have lost the ability to judge ourselves without the intermediation of others' judgments of us.

So true, I didnt write this article but I would want to share this to people I know that are afraid of themselves!

The Journey to finding home!

A couple of years ago, I was sitting on a plane to Vietnam with an empty heart however full of thoughts running in my head.  There was no exact description of what I felt when I left Dubai that day, 5 years ago.  The mixed emotions and excitement was unexpectedly unbearable. There was a moment of anxiety and feeling lost as I got on the plane.  I didn't know exactly why I was moving to Vietnam.  I have built myself a world in the Middle East that for a while somehow It confused me if it was home.  It was infact home for a while and then I woke up one day asking myself "Where is home?", so, suddenly like a lighting that struck my head there was a need to get out of Dubai.  I didn't understand at first the sudden excitement and the rush to leave Dubai. Was it the traffic? my career? my boyfriend at the time? What? All I knew was I need to breath and moving was first on my agenda that year. They said, there is always something that comes up every 7 years of your life.  I didn't believe this at that time, who would? But looking back somehow, it made sense.

Anyway, I moved to Vietnam! It was not something I had expected but the changed made my mind busy but my life upside down! Life run like a rollercoaster for a while but the world changed forever for me. Initially when I was settling down with my new job I was always on the move, restless and was continuously challenged by the new unexplored world.  Some days I was lonely, other days I was excited, some days I was wishful and most days I was uncertain.  I did worked my ass out, mainly pacifying myself from loneliness.  I missed bar hopping, my weekly shopping, picnic with friends on the beach and I missed the comfort of having my feet on the ground.  For a while it was like wading in a river against its current, there was a huge responsibility in front of me and suddenly created more responsibility that what I was supposed to do or came there for.  Half way through I was frustrated, i realized then that i was moving at a rate as if I was still in Dubai and people around me was moving in a tiptoe while I was dragging myself all over the place back and forth.  Asia was a much slower pace than where I was and used to.  I had to learn to slow down, everyday was a surprise - there is always something new to learn and laugh about when things aren't what you expect it to be in a your normal world.  Slowly I learned to be more patient and humble.  It is indeed a virtue!

As days passed by I forgot my weekly shopping activity, my flat on the 15th floor overlooking Dubai skyline which I guess to this day it is already blocked by hundreds of towering new buildings, my 137 pairs of shoes and my bags collection! Indeed I shared this prestigious achievement with Imelda Marcos.  As if overnight, I learned to appreciate the simple things in life, that a simple sunrise and sunset is all that I look forward to everyday.  In a moment, i didnt feel lost anymore. I understand what it felt to be alive and appreciate the simple things in life. Thank you Vietnam for this great feeling of life! 

But like anything, Vietnam was a temporary permanence, I was programmed to stay only a year and had to move on again however, this time I was not uncertain anymore, I know where I have to go and that is Home! Really I know where it is now.  I'm glad Vietnam has given me that clarity, for the first time in my life I kind of know where my Home is.  Goodbye my Vietnamese friends,I'm going home! See you again!